Suh imagine, mi wake up 6 o’ clock dis mawnin and between clinic, school and work I didn’t get back to my apartment until 8pm. I reach in now and jump straight in the shower. Washed off all of today’s crawsis. Stood under the warm water as it caress mi dun out body. Threw off my shower cap so my curls could get some lovin’ too. This was the shower of all showers. I stepped out feeling renewed, restored, rejuvenated. Big up mi Ivory soap!
Mi fling on mi nightie. (Yes, I’m a granny. Some nights I even wear socks and transform into Super Granny!). I climbed into bed and scrolled through my phone. I was at peace. All was right with the world once more. Then outta nowhere BAAAAAAWWW BAAAWWWW BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAAAW BAAAAAWWW!!!! Please evacuate the building.
Hear me out, I understand that fire alarms need to be loud af so it can wake people out of the deepest of sleeps, but brejin yuh need fi chill! Da sumn de coulda easily gimme heart attack, kill mi, den revive mi to rahtid! In addition to the cardiovascular event. I’m now in full panic mode now because there is no way that I can go outside in my nightie.
Mi fling off mi nightie. Could I find a pair of pants? Pants line off culluh-culluh in the closet enuh but is like I couldn’t see them and who mi si tun inside out. BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAAAW!!! Finally find a pants, cya find nuh shirt. I eventually just grabbed a sweater threw it on over my head. Socks? BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAAAW!!! Forget the socks Alexia!!! BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAAAW! Okay, Okay Okay! Mi put on the shoes without socks. (Question? How people wear shoes without socks????) BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAAAW!!! Grabbed my phone, grabbed my keys, ran out the door and down the stairs… four flights of stairs. BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAWWW BAAAAAAAW!
It. Was. A. Fire. Drill.
Guh back inside, climb up 4 flights of stairs, fling off the shoes, pants, sweater, everybody!
Now I’m flustered, I have a headache and once again feeling dun out. Mah gah mi bed